Monday, December 26, 2005

Some thoughts on Love, friendship and others

Actually these have been sent to me by someone really. Thus this must be generally available on the web. But this is good and so let me start my collections [of imaginary mails] with this

  • Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
  • Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
  • Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
  • What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
  • If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
  • Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
  • You can only go as far as you push!
  • Actions speak louder than words.
  • The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
  • Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
  • Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.
  • A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.
  • Some people make the world special by just being in it.
  • Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.
  • When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.
  • True friendship never ends. Friends are forever.
  • Good friends are like don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
  • Don't frown, you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
  • Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
  • Most people walk in and out of your life, but only friends leave footprints in your heart.
  • If u love something...let it go. If it comes back to you its yours.... If it doesn't then it never was.
  • A kiss is just a kiss until u find the one you love. A hug is just a hug until its from the one ur thinking of. A dream is just a dream until u make it come tru. LOVE is just a word until its proven 2 u.


Human beings are mixtures of emotions anf feelings. When comeone meets someone else we act and react, we explode and implode, we attract and retract. In my life I have met many women/ girls and I have felt differently towards them each time.

Supposing I was in contact with them at those times and supposing I was writing to them what would I write? Let me see what ofeelings one can convey through his letters.

Starting today, I will now post a series of imaginary mails to imaginary women.

This is my cyber world where I am the master of what I do and see and FEEL. So here is to my first mail of the series. Cheers!!!

Monday, December 19, 2005

How to SAVE yourself

[These are not my own words but from somewhere I do not remember now; good to share it here].
There is life beyond self-pity!
Emotions can be injurious to health too. Like accident-prone people, there are emotional limbo-prone people! Complicated though it may sound, our emotions do rule our lives. For some it is an excessive tendency while for some others, there is a marked lack of it. Too much of anything is corrupting. Like wise too much self-pity can be ruinous to our health, personal and professional life as well.
Read the signs well
Self-love is good. It is even very healing, if it translates into positive and productive action. An excess of it can border on narcissism. This can distort any criticism, lending it a decidedly negative tone. It could trigger resentment, anger, self-pity, and even a self-deprecating attitude. So how do you know when you are beginning to go over board? Constant irritation at the mere hint of criticism, desire to sulk and withdraw rather than react sportively to criticism, are symptoms of an impending gloom time.
Better still, nip it in the bud!
Once you are aware of the trend you are beginning to follow, watch how you react to criticism. Criticism is not often unwarranted. There must surely be something that must have triggered it. Get rid of the, I, me and myself fascination. The ability to look inward is indeed a rare ability, but limit it to self- appraisal, and use these insights to better yourself. When you are beginning to feel sad on the slightest pretext, it’s time to do a thorough study on yourself.
When things go wrong…
Life is a roller coaster ride. Moments of happiness, disappointment, and heartache are inevitable. Consider the instance of Surekha, a content writer with a dotcom company. It was an almost picture perfect life for her, till a minor accident upset the apple cart. She had nearly lost the use of one of her fingers. The subsequent operation and the interim period of convalescence was a revelation. Despite such testing times, her courage was inspirational. She retained her lively sense of humour and availed every opportunity to get back on to her feet. Very soon, she was back at the office, getting into the grind of regular work. It was an amazing experience for everyone at the workplace as well. She never let the shadow of self-pity or depression get the better of her. These are positive expressions of life. Whenever tragedy or trauma strikes, it’s a call to bring forth your inner reserves of strength to the fore and tackle the problem head on. Self-pity can only delay the process further and instead land you in a deeper quagmire than before.
Self-image does matter
A poor self-image can contribute to further self-pitying tactics. Before you even realise, it assumes the nature of a package deal! Low self-esteem and self-image can trick you into playing with negative emotions on yourself. Even remotely unrelated events that have gone awry can make you aware of your shortcomings. It’s then an easy guilt trip all set to make you feel like the only sinner and failure in the world. So what’s good about the whole thing? Your limitations. When you are consciously aware of your limitations, then it’s easier to make a head start on things that you do like doing, despite inherent barriers. Face up to the problematic issues squarely and analyse how you could use them positively.
If you still want to be an infamous masochist…
Then wallow in greater sadness, nit-pick on everything that goes wrong and drown yourself in sorrow. It’s nice to feel victimised, for you whimper for as much attention as possible. The only thing is, the novelty of the whole thing will soon begin to wear off everyone. You will end up with nothing but self-pity for a friend. So be proactive, consider self-pity as an indication that you need a break, be kind on yourself and do better things that boost your motivation levels.
So the next time round, whenever you feel the need to feel sorry for yourself, go ahead. Just remember though, that it’s a fine way to do yourself in, better than even your best enemy can!
Are you feeling low?
Sometimes, workplace pressures can pull us down and we can end up feeling undervalued and unappreciated. This happens to the best of us. It pays to pinpoint those factors that pull us down and also learn strategies that’ll keep these workplace blues at bay.
Withdrawing never helps
When we feel down and under, we can be tempted to keep to ourselves. Take a simple example. On the way to work, a stranger on the road raved and ranted at Saritha for overtaking his vehicle. She was stunned and totally upset by the time she reached office. Initially she was hopping mad and responded to her colleagues in curt monosyllables. Later, as she shared the incident with them she felt the tension leaving her. She could laugh it off and soon her good humour was restored to her. Had she just sat in her corner and brooded over the confrontation all day long, the chances are that she’d have had a lousy day!
When things are not going well, don’t isolate yourself- it’ll only make you brood and think negatively. Make an effort to interact with others and you’ll soon be back to your normal self.
A private viewing of trophies
At some point or the other, we’ve all received compliments from our boss or co-workers. File all such feathers in your cap and when you’re feeling low, just leaf through them. It can pep up your sagging morale and make you feel your worth once again. If you have never received such appreciating notes, don’t get disheartened. Look at projects or assignments you’ve handled successfully. Remember how you faced challenges and the end result of it. Focus on your triumphs and successes rather than on your failures and goof-ups
Playing the games people play
Workplace politics can be the biggest drain on your self-esteem especially if you’re the football being kicked around by one and all! Just stay away from all Machiavellian characters.
An occasional treat
Ok, so maybe no one is patting you on the back for all the work you put in. How about treating yourself for what you do and what you are? Shikha, a technical writer with an unappreciative boss, pampers herself once in a while by splurging on a new CD or a new gadget. She feels that this works wonders for her motivation. If no one else rewards you, you do it!
Whose life is it anyway?
It’s your life and your sense of sense of self-worth should be defined by you - not by others and certainly not by circumstances. When the chips are down, you don’t have to be down too. Hang around with people who do wonders for your morale, not with those who make you feel like an unwanted child! Interacting with those who bring out the best in you and being committed to being true to your true self are sure ways of riding the crest of those lows in your life.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Relationships- The Differences essentially

[These are my own thoughts]

This is just an assortment of a winter afternoon baked thoughts from me who has nothing to do in his life. The subject of relationship has been my favourite one for a long time, and different experiences in my life set my thought chain clanking. I have these views of mine, some of which are same as yours but some are not perhaps. I will keep them bulleted to help you speed through these stupid thoughts.

'Relationships’ could be ‘Husband-wife’, “parent-children” and it could also be ‘friends’. It does not include “colleagues” as this type follow different rules and is easier to maintain as mostly it can be done through pampering, flattery, bootlicking, ordering, fawning, buttering or plain inciting the conduct and discipline Guidelines depending on the relative positions of the two colleagues, vertically or laterally. As for the other main three types of relationships the following hold true except for ‘parent-children relationship’. There is a subtle difference about this relationship, which I will talk about at the end. So here goes my bullets:-

  • Relationships are hard to build. It takes a lot of pain and tenderness and care to build and it can happen if only both care for each other. Care is the catalyst;
  • It can be built easily only if both keep an open mind and do not stamp each other with archetypal ideas of the other person in the relationship, the greatest mistake, which most of us, however intelligent we are, fall prey to. Times have changed and are changing constantly. So too the role models have changed and gone are the days, for eg., Earlier men were from MARS and women were from VENUS. Now even men are from Venus and Women are from MARS and just because a husband drinks cannot mean he is going to neglect the wife which has been society’s age old idea of an archetypal husband, or just because a schooldboy smokes does not mean he is going to neglect his studies or go into bad company (if we keep aside the health side away for the moment this has been one very typical idea of some old timer parents once); Our ideas of archetypal people do prevent us from seeing things as they are really, it is a pity but true. It is not good to be proud thinking that one can handle ‘people’ as one’s idea of such ‘people’ may be totally wrong. This has been and is still being a major cause of break-ups of relationships or relationships dying before they are born.
  • Once built they are even harder to keep. Familiarity may breed contempt or closeness may reveal warts, which were not visible from afar. So lot more care about the other person is required now. The catalyst here is not just care but selfless care.
  • The responsibility does lie on both persons- heavily. One cannot remain a spectator if one is also interested in building and maintaining the relationship;
  • But the responsibility lies most when the relationships are built as if the initial choice is wrong then the tremors will be felt sooner or later. Here too the responsibility lies on both. Both must help each other understand each other so that they can decide to go for it or not go for it as once they have gone for it should be a one way path and no coming back AND if they decide not to go for it they should part without MALICE. All the problems happen when one person is either overzealous and so kills the hen that lays the golden egg or promises to lay ones OR reticent to share the mind / has a wrongly placed idea of politeness and so keeps quiet & thus causes the other person to kill the hen under the false impression that all the golden eggs are now ready. The key word here is COMMUNICATION.
  • As people grow older in a relationship they may come closer or fall apart, irrespective of how hard they try, if there are some basic differences in their characters. This may work both ways. They can either try harder to look at the good points in each other or say Goodbye if they feel that such differences are untenable. The latter will in that case keep them mentally healthy rather than letting them go through the mental agony of remaining together.
  • However the worse situation is forming a wrong idea and then going for it and the relationship not working out eventually rather than forming a wrong idea and not going for it as in the latter case there is still hope as long as Bullet-5 is true- that they part without malice. When malice comes into the game then things will never be the same again. And malice may come if one kills the hen that laid golden eggs by mistake.
  • Thus the ideal way to build a relationship as per me (here is where different people will have different views- as so far mostly I have said what all say) is to start with whether you like a person or do not like a person who is offering a hand for a relationship or to whom you are thinking of offering a hand. You either like him/ her or do not like him/ her,
  • If you do not like him/her tell him/ her without letting him make a fool of himself/ herself or tell him you are not sure so to give you some time to think. Whatever, but do not waste time in doing this. “Politenes” has nothing to do with wasting time; “uncaring” has everything to do with wasting time. They key word as I said is COMMUNICATION.
  • If you like him/ her then tell him so and go for it or tell him your feelings and take time to rethink in this case too.
  • If you have gone for it and are tied together in a relationship then either you like each other more as days go by or you do not;
  • If you like each other then it is fine.
  • If you do not like less of each other as days pass by then you either decide to make it work or you decide not to make it work.
  • If you decide to let go, then do it; do not waste time as time wasted means malice generated;
  • If you decide to make it work, then you either be patient, communicative, innovative, understanding, caring and selfless or you do not.
  • If you do not then better break off.
  • If you do then you will survive. For here then you will try to see the other person as not what you think he or she should be for you but what he or she is and how you yourself can change for him or her. This is the final truth of any relationship. Unfortunately for most of us, in our self centred ways, caused by our nuclear families, living away from people, being more career oriented and hence less caring about human relationships, this is the last thing we try to do or are able to do.

The last word in life is that everybody is born alone and dies alone (even if death comes to both at the same time). Everybody is lonely even when together with someone and everybody can stay alone and does stay alone when old age strikes finally and death takes away one at the end even if they have remained together for a lifetime. So it does not matter at the end whether you have friends or family or none; whether you spend your old age with loved ones caring for you or reading a book alone by a window in an aristocratic club. BUT between life and death, between being born and dying we all like company, we all like people around us, do we not? If we say we do not then we are lying. So we do need to build relationships, whatever they may be for us. We do build too. The person who says he or she does not, is either lying (to himself/ herself/ others) or is not normal. YES the relationship can be husband-wife, parent-child or friends as defined in the beginning. But the more you have stayed alone the more difficult it is to build again as the fear of uncertainty and fear of interruptions in an accepted pattern come into play- it is called fear of change.

The difference with parent-child relationship is that we do not have to build it; it is already built. We cannot break it, it is unbreakable, even when it is broken, so our quarrels with our parents and yet maintaining our relationships with them is not the same as maintaining relationships with a spouse or a friend. Rest of the above is applicable otherwise.

Ok Bye Now. Hope this has not disturbed your work, [if you have come this far i.e.]

Sorry for the readers who were reading my post when I was changing the formats. Maybe if you read now you will get the heads and tails of what I said.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I WISH I HUGGED HIM - Remembering Dad

- [My father died in an accident last year. I could not do anything for him, so the least I can do is dedicate my sites to him. Click here to know who took this photo and How he died.]
-- An ode to a Father

He laid on his back with his eyes closed, eyelids swollen and stuck with dried tears shining within. His face looked so peaceful and yet so sad, as if he was thinking of his loved ones whom he loved so much. His head looked normal but for the slight swelling on one side with some signs of red …… and God knows what within. Tubes came out of his wrists on the right, tubes came out of the left; tubes came out of his nostrils to feed him and out of his stomach to drain him. But for the tiny wavy blips on the solemn screens of the gadgets above him and the rise and fall of his chest, old with age, there was nothing to tell me if he was sleeping or…..

The bright plastic tube inside his mouth jostled side by side with another, the oxygen pouring in & out to make him breathe -- that horrible thing which we know as the ventrilator was some good scientist’s gift to people who had stopped breathing, his gift to his near ones who could just wait and hope, hope that the eyes would open, for without it the lung could not breathe for the man had stopped breathing long ago & his heart was beating but barely so.

The sanitised surroundings camouflaged the pain and one would feel here was my father resting away from the heat and dust, here was my father at last getting what he deserved -- Rest from his worries about his loved ones, about his son, about his granddaughter, about his daughter-in-law. The air-conditioned coolness lent a false sense of lull in the mind, it made one feel that here was he resting and will wake up healthy again. His face and arms looked so fair, was it his fairness or was it that the blood had receded from his veins? Science would say the latter because he was not so fair.

The tears had dried… did they come when he saw in a flash that death was near, out of sadness that he would not be there to see his granddaughter graduate, to bring the groom home, to play with the tiny guest who would one day adorn the house and keep his name?

I touched his forehead, I touched his arms and I brushed his hair apart. I talked to him and said “Don’t worry everything would be fine” but knew I was lying. I looked at his swelling on the head, remembering the CT-Scan that the doctor had shown me just a while ago, the blood was all over. So much blood? Where was it so long when he was well and living? Barely 10% chance they said to me, I knew they were lying too- the ventrilator told me so. The brain that was so active was no more. Only the heart beat on relentlessly, much filled with love it was so, just as a father knows how to love, with his heart full of a lovely glow.

I wished to wipe his tears from between his closed eyes; I wished to tell him I have changed to what he had always wanted. I wished to hug him tight. I wished I had hugged him long ago.

I wished to do so many things for him, to tell so many things to him, to do so many things for him that I never did and now it was too late for him and me. I wish I had not fought with him on so many issues, Inside my heart I knew he always loved me and cared for me and took care of me when I was small, when I could not walk, when I could only wet the bed. He guided me when I did not know how to tackle the world. He held my hand when I felt nervous. He was the first one to feel glad when I passed school, when I graduated, when I got my first job. I never understood his joy till I became a father myself. Inside my heart I knew he was & would be always there when I needed him, silently toiling hard to make my life better so that I too could become a father one day. He never demanded love from me, never demanded care. Fathers never do, for they do their bits out of love and love is always one way -- descending. I loved him too. But never did I find time to tell him so, never did I hug him tight, always keeping it till later.

Who would have known that one day so suddenly a freak happening would take away my support and I would never be able to ask him for advice and mental guidance? Who knew that God would never give me the chance to hug him? I wish I had hugged him and told him “I love you”. All I could do is wipe his forehead but he did not know, his eyes tightly close so, and all I could do is to touch his feet to say Goodbye —and ask him to forgive me; Forgive me DAD for not hugging you earlier and telling you I love you, when it mattered and now it did not anymore.

Dust-to-Dust – that is the story of man. He comes to this world crying and the rest laughing and he goes making others cry. Dust to Dust- into the raging FIRE, into which with these hands of mine I pushed him away forever from myself, wishing I had hugged him when I still had the time- but time is what we never have.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Something on Women Colleagues

I feel silly at replying to my own mail just after posting it. But then I thought I should tell you why I voted for women on the intranet voting page of ours!!

I voted for women as I want to work under a woman boss..!! Maybe they would be more understanding.. maybe they would be more patient.. maybe they will care if I want leave..or will understand if I am not able to do my job.. or will not shout at me.... or will talk softly... or will smile at me..instead of frowning...or ask me abouy my family and wife.. and send home sweets for my kids... Ohh I dont know.. but I have had enough of male bosses above me for so long..Give me a woman boss now!! !!

Enough of men who have bloated egos.. at least with women..bosses it is I who will have to eat my ego as a man has to if he has to work under a woman.. and so since the woman will know that she will at least not show her ego to me.. I think so..

I have had enough of men bosses who dont speak out and yet want me to understand what he wants..Women will not do that !! I hope so.. since they talk more..they will take pains to explain what she wants.. and I will understand..poor foolish me -me who have suffered at the hands of male bosses for so long..

I have had enough of male bosses who are dumb.. women are not.. they have a lot of common sense.. to understand a man and use him to her advantage.. and that is what a boss needs to do..use the subordinate to his or her advantage.. so both are happy..

And dont think I am joking.. ask one woman colleague who knows me.. I keep telling her the same thing.. and I keep praying that she will be my boss one day.. maybe then she will have pity on me and promote me? Sighh... males dont have any pity at all!!!

Friendship Among Colleagues

Honestly, I have started feeling now that I am a useless guy and have no work at all. Or else how can I explain my being here online all the time?

So today I thought of posting about different type of people in an office.. we see them all around us.. we are also one of others see us too.. I thought of telling about the LBDNs.. and PgUpPg DNs... ahh..yes.. These are names coined not by me but my colleagues themselves.. and then I thought..I shouldnt after all who am I to talk about such people? I am no saint either!! But then maybe for fun I should say something .. Well.. LBDN.. you see them around you.. they are the Look Busy Do Nothing people.. those who do nothing at all the whole day.. and yet they look ohh so very busy all the time!!.. Do you know any personally? Hmm..

So what are PgUPPgDNs?? they are doing more than the LBDNs.. they have work to do.. they do that work.. but again the impression they throw around is that they do very important work.. and will not teach you what they know.. they will tap the keyboard.. that you dont catch what they are doing.. and all they do are Page Up and Page down on the excel sheet.. and ohh how they do it!! You will think they are the best in the world.. and they know so mucchhh!!.. Sigh.. No.. I think I will not talk about them today..

Then I thought I will post a topic on Communication and how it should be effected.. well.. will that be too heavy? i wondered.. and left it out.. after all with better people than me and experts at Management who am I to talk about communication to a silent audience.. who come here everyday and yet dont like to talk?

Then I though why not pick up the current topic from the poll at our intranet site? Do women managers make better managers? Hmm I thought no.. later maybe.. .. so it means that some men too think women can be better managers.. well i am among them of them.. but I dont agree to all women being better managers..just like all men cannot be better managers.. .Well another day perhaps..on this.. let someone else pick up this topic and start a discussion.. and maybe we can even discuss how to make better managers out of people here?
So let me talk on something else today..

Friendship among colleagues..

Do you think colleagues can be friends? How long can they remain friends? Does competition erase friendship among peers? So may questions.. that arise..

When we join,,and undergo training together.. perhaps that goes into making friends among peers and this is perhaps the first and strongest friendships that colleagues can have.. because that form when we are still fresh from college and competition has not yet dirtied our minds.. and most of the friendships last.. but not all as slowly the rat race catches up.. so after this opportunity perhaps very few colleagues ever become good friends.. do they? What do you say?

Then some friendship forms as you go along your life.. you meet people as you go places..and sometimes there stands a chance that you form friends.. but I have seen one thing in my life. here in my organisation.. the greatest friendships or care and bond exists among our non-officer fraternity.. the way they help their times of peril and disaster.. very few officers do that for their fraternmity.. i know this will raise self righteousness among some of you and you will shout at me..but it is true.. when a non officer needs help or his family needs help..their colleagues rise to the occasion but for officers ..only those who expect returns.. or need to please..or from the same group only will come to help.. correct me if I am wrong.. there is more friendship among our non-office colleagues than among colleagues.....and why is it so? I think it is because of competion, and resultant jealousy ..Colleagues simply cannot be good friends..can they? What do you think?

Ohh I have friends too but this is still what I feel. Let us introspect.