Monday, December 26, 2005

Some thoughts on Love, friendship and others

Actually these have been sent to me by someone really. Thus this must be generally available on the web. But this is good and so let me start my collections [of imaginary mails] with this

  • Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
  • Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
  • Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
  • What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
  • If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
  • Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
  • You can only go as far as you push!
  • Actions speak louder than words.
  • The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
  • Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
  • Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.
  • A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.
  • Some people make the world special by just being in it.
  • Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.
  • When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.
  • True friendship never ends. Friends are forever.
  • Good friends are like don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
  • Don't frown, you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
  • Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
  • Most people walk in and out of your life, but only friends leave footprints in your heart.
  • If u love something...let it go. If it comes back to you its yours.... If it doesn't then it never was.
  • A kiss is just a kiss until u find the one you love. A hug is just a hug until its from the one ur thinking of. A dream is just a dream until u make it come tru. LOVE is just a word until its proven 2 u.


Human beings are mixtures of emotions anf feelings. When comeone meets someone else we act and react, we explode and implode, we attract and retract. In my life I have met many women/ girls and I have felt differently towards them each time.

Supposing I was in contact with them at those times and supposing I was writing to them what would I write? Let me see what ofeelings one can convey through his letters.

Starting today, I will now post a series of imaginary mails to imaginary women.

This is my cyber world where I am the master of what I do and see and FEEL. So here is to my first mail of the series. Cheers!!!

Monday, December 19, 2005

How to SAVE yourself

[These are not my own words but from somewhere I do not remember now; good to share it here].
There is life beyond self-pity!
Emotions can be injurious to health too. Like accident-prone people, there are emotional limbo-prone people! Complicated though it may sound, our emotions do rule our lives. For some it is an excessive tendency while for some others, there is a marked lack of it. Too much of anything is corrupting. Like wise too much self-pity can be ruinous to our health, personal and professional life as well.
Read the signs well
Self-love is good. It is even very healing, if it translates into positive and productive action. An excess of it can border on narcissism. This can distort any criticism, lending it a decidedly negative tone. It could trigger resentment, anger, self-pity, and even a self-deprecating attitude. So how do you know when you are beginning to go over board? Constant irritation at the mere hint of criticism, desire to sulk and withdraw rather than react sportively to criticism, are symptoms of an impending gloom time.
Better still, nip it in the bud!
Once you are aware of the trend you are beginning to follow, watch how you react to criticism. Criticism is not often unwarranted. There must surely be something that must have triggered it. Get rid of the, I, me and myself fascination. The ability to look inward is indeed a rare ability, but limit it to self- appraisal, and use these insights to better yourself. When you are beginning to feel sad on the slightest pretext, it’s time to do a thorough study on yourself.
When things go wrong…
Life is a roller coaster ride. Moments of happiness, disappointment, and heartache are inevitable. Consider the instance of Surekha, a content writer with a dotcom company. It was an almost picture perfect life for her, till a minor accident upset the apple cart. She had nearly lost the use of one of her fingers. The subsequent operation and the interim period of convalescence was a revelation. Despite such testing times, her courage was inspirational. She retained her lively sense of humour and availed every opportunity to get back on to her feet. Very soon, she was back at the office, getting into the grind of regular work. It was an amazing experience for everyone at the workplace as well. She never let the shadow of self-pity or depression get the better of her. These are positive expressions of life. Whenever tragedy or trauma strikes, it’s a call to bring forth your inner reserves of strength to the fore and tackle the problem head on. Self-pity can only delay the process further and instead land you in a deeper quagmire than before.
Self-image does matter
A poor self-image can contribute to further self-pitying tactics. Before you even realise, it assumes the nature of a package deal! Low self-esteem and self-image can trick you into playing with negative emotions on yourself. Even remotely unrelated events that have gone awry can make you aware of your shortcomings. It’s then an easy guilt trip all set to make you feel like the only sinner and failure in the world. So what’s good about the whole thing? Your limitations. When you are consciously aware of your limitations, then it’s easier to make a head start on things that you do like doing, despite inherent barriers. Face up to the problematic issues squarely and analyse how you could use them positively.
If you still want to be an infamous masochist…
Then wallow in greater sadness, nit-pick on everything that goes wrong and drown yourself in sorrow. It’s nice to feel victimised, for you whimper for as much attention as possible. The only thing is, the novelty of the whole thing will soon begin to wear off everyone. You will end up with nothing but self-pity for a friend. So be proactive, consider self-pity as an indication that you need a break, be kind on yourself and do better things that boost your motivation levels.
So the next time round, whenever you feel the need to feel sorry for yourself, go ahead. Just remember though, that it’s a fine way to do yourself in, better than even your best enemy can!
Are you feeling low?
Sometimes, workplace pressures can pull us down and we can end up feeling undervalued and unappreciated. This happens to the best of us. It pays to pinpoint those factors that pull us down and also learn strategies that’ll keep these workplace blues at bay.
Withdrawing never helps
When we feel down and under, we can be tempted to keep to ourselves. Take a simple example. On the way to work, a stranger on the road raved and ranted at Saritha for overtaking his vehicle. She was stunned and totally upset by the time she reached office. Initially she was hopping mad and responded to her colleagues in curt monosyllables. Later, as she shared the incident with them she felt the tension leaving her. She could laugh it off and soon her good humour was restored to her. Had she just sat in her corner and brooded over the confrontation all day long, the chances are that she’d have had a lousy day!
When things are not going well, don’t isolate yourself- it’ll only make you brood and think negatively. Make an effort to interact with others and you’ll soon be back to your normal self.
A private viewing of trophies
At some point or the other, we’ve all received compliments from our boss or co-workers. File all such feathers in your cap and when you’re feeling low, just leaf through them. It can pep up your sagging morale and make you feel your worth once again. If you have never received such appreciating notes, don’t get disheartened. Look at projects or assignments you’ve handled successfully. Remember how you faced challenges and the end result of it. Focus on your triumphs and successes rather than on your failures and goof-ups
Playing the games people play
Workplace politics can be the biggest drain on your self-esteem especially if you’re the football being kicked around by one and all! Just stay away from all Machiavellian characters.
An occasional treat
Ok, so maybe no one is patting you on the back for all the work you put in. How about treating yourself for what you do and what you are? Shikha, a technical writer with an unappreciative boss, pampers herself once in a while by splurging on a new CD or a new gadget. She feels that this works wonders for her motivation. If no one else rewards you, you do it!
Whose life is it anyway?
It’s your life and your sense of sense of self-worth should be defined by you - not by others and certainly not by circumstances. When the chips are down, you don’t have to be down too. Hang around with people who do wonders for your morale, not with those who make you feel like an unwanted child! Interacting with those who bring out the best in you and being committed to being true to your true self are sure ways of riding the crest of those lows in your life.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Relationships- The Differences essentially

[These are my own thoughts]

This is just an assortment of a winter afternoon baked thoughts from me who has nothing to do in his life. The subject of relationship has been my favourite one for a long time, and different experiences in my life set my thought chain clanking. I have these views of mine, some of which are same as yours but some are not perhaps. I will keep them bulleted to help you speed through these stupid thoughts.

'Relationships’ could be ‘Husband-wife’, “parent-children” and it could also be ‘friends’. It does not include “colleagues” as this type follow different rules and is easier to maintain as mostly it can be done through pampering, flattery, bootlicking, ordering, fawning, buttering or plain inciting the conduct and discipline Guidelines depending on the relative positions of the two colleagues, vertically or laterally. As for the other main three types of relationships the following hold true except for ‘parent-children relationship’. There is a subtle difference about this relationship, which I will talk about at the end. So here goes my bullets:-

  • Relationships are hard to build. It takes a lot of pain and tenderness and care to build and it can happen if only both care for each other. Care is the catalyst;
  • It can be built easily only if both keep an open mind and do not stamp each other with archetypal ideas of the other person in the relationship, the greatest mistake, which most of us, however intelligent we are, fall prey to. Times have changed and are changing constantly. So too the role models have changed and gone are the days, for eg., Earlier men were from MARS and women were from VENUS. Now even men are from Venus and Women are from MARS and just because a husband drinks cannot mean he is going to neglect the wife which has been society’s age old idea of an archetypal husband, or just because a schooldboy smokes does not mean he is going to neglect his studies or go into bad company (if we keep aside the health side away for the moment this has been one very typical idea of some old timer parents once); Our ideas of archetypal people do prevent us from seeing things as they are really, it is a pity but true. It is not good to be proud thinking that one can handle ‘people’ as one’s idea of such ‘people’ may be totally wrong. This has been and is still being a major cause of break-ups of relationships or relationships dying before they are born.
  • Once built they are even harder to keep. Familiarity may breed contempt or closeness may reveal warts, which were not visible from afar. So lot more care about the other person is required now. The catalyst here is not just care but selfless care.
  • The responsibility does lie on both persons- heavily. One cannot remain a spectator if one is also interested in building and maintaining the relationship;
  • But the responsibility lies most when the relationships are built as if the initial choice is wrong then the tremors will be felt sooner or later. Here too the responsibility lies on both. Both must help each other understand each other so that they can decide to go for it or not go for it as once they have gone for it should be a one way path and no coming back AND if they decide not to go for it they should part without MALICE. All the problems happen when one person is either overzealous and so kills the hen that lays the golden egg or promises to lay ones OR reticent to share the mind / has a wrongly placed idea of politeness and so keeps quiet & thus causes the other person to kill the hen under the false impression that all the golden eggs are now ready. The key word here is COMMUNICATION.
  • As people grow older in a relationship they may come closer or fall apart, irrespective of how hard they try, if there are some basic differences in their characters. This may work both ways. They can either try harder to look at the good points in each other or say Goodbye if they feel that such differences are untenable. The latter will in that case keep them mentally healthy rather than letting them go through the mental agony of remaining together.
  • However the worse situation is forming a wrong idea and then going for it and the relationship not working out eventually rather than forming a wrong idea and not going for it as in the latter case there is still hope as long as Bullet-5 is true- that they part without malice. When malice comes into the game then things will never be the same again. And malice may come if one kills the hen that laid golden eggs by mistake.
  • Thus the ideal way to build a relationship as per me (here is where different people will have different views- as so far mostly I have said what all say) is to start with whether you like a person or do not like a person who is offering a hand for a relationship or to whom you are thinking of offering a hand. You either like him/ her or do not like him/ her,
  • If you do not like him/her tell him/ her without letting him make a fool of himself/ herself or tell him you are not sure so to give you some time to think. Whatever, but do not waste time in doing this. “Politenes” has nothing to do with wasting time; “uncaring” has everything to do with wasting time. They key word as I said is COMMUNICATION.
  • If you like him/ her then tell him so and go for it or tell him your feelings and take time to rethink in this case too.
  • If you have gone for it and are tied together in a relationship then either you like each other more as days go by or you do not;
  • If you like each other then it is fine.
  • If you do not like less of each other as days pass by then you either decide to make it work or you decide not to make it work.
  • If you decide to let go, then do it; do not waste time as time wasted means malice generated;
  • If you decide to make it work, then you either be patient, communicative, innovative, understanding, caring and selfless or you do not.
  • If you do not then better break off.
  • If you do then you will survive. For here then you will try to see the other person as not what you think he or she should be for you but what he or she is and how you yourself can change for him or her. This is the final truth of any relationship. Unfortunately for most of us, in our self centred ways, caused by our nuclear families, living away from people, being more career oriented and hence less caring about human relationships, this is the last thing we try to do or are able to do.

The last word in life is that everybody is born alone and dies alone (even if death comes to both at the same time). Everybody is lonely even when together with someone and everybody can stay alone and does stay alone when old age strikes finally and death takes away one at the end even if they have remained together for a lifetime. So it does not matter at the end whether you have friends or family or none; whether you spend your old age with loved ones caring for you or reading a book alone by a window in an aristocratic club. BUT between life and death, between being born and dying we all like company, we all like people around us, do we not? If we say we do not then we are lying. So we do need to build relationships, whatever they may be for us. We do build too. The person who says he or she does not, is either lying (to himself/ herself/ others) or is not normal. YES the relationship can be husband-wife, parent-child or friends as defined in the beginning. But the more you have stayed alone the more difficult it is to build again as the fear of uncertainty and fear of interruptions in an accepted pattern come into play- it is called fear of change.

The difference with parent-child relationship is that we do not have to build it; it is already built. We cannot break it, it is unbreakable, even when it is broken, so our quarrels with our parents and yet maintaining our relationships with them is not the same as maintaining relationships with a spouse or a friend. Rest of the above is applicable otherwise.

Ok Bye Now. Hope this has not disturbed your work, [if you have come this far i.e.]

Sorry for the readers who were reading my post when I was changing the formats. Maybe if you read now you will get the heads and tails of what I said.