Hey!! I lost the post as it did not get published!! Shucks.. let me type again!! Oh dear dear!!
I was tagged by dear Shalini -my new online friend. Last time I wrote about her here only but then since there is a question about "who tagged me" I will write about her there itself... and save my time in re-writing this post again. I am copying and pasting the tag rules and questions from her post.
RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people. Now now Shalini I am not too sure of this.. I could not find 6 people whom I knew enough to tag them... siggh....
1.If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
I will feel sad. What else can I do? I love someone, it is for eternity but I cannot make her love me I cannot do anything life has to go on. But the love remains...
2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
To see the world and then settl down in a house on the beach with glass windows opening to the seaside view. Of course a man never has just one dream.. I have many....
3. Why do you blog?
Well I started to share my feelings and make new friends hopefully and so had many blogs. But now I blog to feel satisfaction of creation.. so the only blog current is my photoblog where I wish to post creative photos of what I see around me. But alas.. I am not there yet!!
4. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Too late to ask me this question. But I think it is best because love that is based in friendship is more permanent. In my case my love turned into my best friend - my wife.
5. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
To love is supreme. Anything that is supreme has pain too. What is more blessed? Who am I to judge what is more blessed. I just love.
6. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
Love never dies for me. But why wait for the moon? Life is short.
7. Would you ask out the person whom you like?
Sure! I would certainly like to share time with her.. but gotta be sure first.. whoa.. I do not want to get slapped!! hehe
8. What do you want to be known for when you die?
I dont want to be known for anything. I just wish to die knowing I have taken care of my loved ones and have not left them in a lurch.
9. What takes you down the fastest? Backstabbing
10. What resurrects you the fastest? Bright cool morning, hilly road, soft music, blue sky above and flowing river below, and a long drive- this combination works best!
11. What’s your fear?what do I fear for?
Fear of not being able to share my fear with someone else.....
12. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Shalini!! My new friend!! She is cool, hep, different, cute, sweet, but most importantly INTELLIGENT with a depth in her mind.. I became her friend for this reason precisely so that I can dig into her mind to locate the treasure within.... I am lucky to find her..
13.Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Too late a question for me since I am married and I am not poor (not rich either though). But hey it is not good to be poor and married.. wives do not like that!! They will eat your head.. so better to be rich and single.. Rich and single .. if you are rich you will never be single..!! got me??
14. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
I can love many at the same time because love is a feeling between two persons, nd when one person in this case is different, the love too will be different to some extent. Of course the two will not allow this to happen.. so since I do not like to lose my love... I will not pick one and lose the other. I will not pick anyone at all.
15. Would you give all in a relationship?
Well all relationships demand your all.. so you gotta give.. or else you lose...
16. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
I have a good memory so cannot forget. And who am I to forgive? I do not have the power to punish anybody so my forgiveness is autmatic even if I may not like to..
17. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
Too late for me to reply to this question. But then even when you are single you need some relationship-- parents, siblings, friends, lover, living-in, whatever ... so there is no such thing as being pure single ... true & pure singles are mad people.... haha!!
18. Who/what inspired you to start blogging?
My dad died in an accident and I started blogging.. guess something cracked inside me!! All bloggers are mad.. I too am!
19. Why does one tag? Good question.. I too was thinking why I was tagged and should I tag. I guess people tag to make friends or acknowledge existing friendships? Or is it just some hidden desire to connect with people? Tags are for the young....not for the old I guess...
20. Tag 6 people: Now as I said I do not have that many readers whom I know well enough to tag.....still here is one online friend whom I know quite enough to tag her-- Reena, I'll try to be truthful, Monsoon Dreams, Muse, Sujoy, I-Feel-Random.
wow!! I got 6? !! Hmm.. well am relieved now that I have not let down Shalini.... :-0)
Will go to sleep now! What a relief!!!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Which is the best Love?
Hey!! I had closed this blog.. Because I thought why share what I think with the world.. like all bloggers do. As after all these pages are nothing but my private thoughts only...
But then someone recently has become my friend who is making me think again on matters by asking questions. I had started this blog in the first place.. to share my thoughts on human relationships... .. And so I post this answer to the question put forward to me by her who seems to be as inquistive into the human mind as I !! :-0)
Which love is the best among the following:-
1. Dad for his daughter
2. Dad for his son
3. Mom for her son
4. Mom for her daughter
5. Brother for his sister.
4. Brother for brother
5. Sister for sister
6. Sister for her brother.
7. Son for his mother
6. Son for his dad
7. Daughter for her mom
8. Daughter for her dad
9. Male lover for his female lover (pls excuse me I am not aware much of the same sex kind and she too did not ask me that one)
10. Female lover for male lover
11. Husband for wife
12. Wife for husband
Well hm. mighty difficult question I must say!!.
And see here I have already talked of these different loves earlier. But nevertheless it is a better question as I can see!!
So my answer:-
Let me organise my thinking as follows..
First a few assumptions:
1. we are talking of people (named groups) actually loving and not like what we see in news. that father kills dgtr and so on)
2. We will not differentiate between mom and dad in parents, or between boy and girl in lovers and between man and wife in marriage for my first answer. If you want to even distinguish further then naturally we need to concentrate only after we have arrived at the group whose love is the best and then further differentiate betweenn that. I will do that next.
Ok now...
& oh yes! 3RD AND last assumption is when we talk of love here it is pure unadulterated love.. no adulteration.. after we have our answer.. we wil add deviations and actually what happens in real life and then test our answer. ok. next
Now,
1. Parents to children is a one way love always --> downwards... ideally they never expect anything back
2. Brothers and sisters love is protective love.. for each other.. -- but there is a sense of give and take..
3. Spouses love are having some degree of relationship and expectations also & may also be mixed with physical needs.
4. lovers love is also having expectations from both sides.. and also sometimes mixed with physical senses and emotions.
5. Children's love for parents has an essence of dependence.
I think parents' love is the best love ;
And,
in that mother's love is the best love in this world..
..............Mother's love is nothing but sacrifice only .. 9 months inside her... pain all the time (amidst the pleasure to have kicks inside the tummy.. it is a lovely feeling u know?... and hmm haa, do not ask me how I know!! LOL!..) ok.. and then this mother usually is forgotten when children grow old.. and left alone, if wife does not like mom-in-law or because wife's mom cannot stay in son-in-law's house.. but still have u ever seen a single instance of moms not loving their children ?
For get the exceptions. as i said in the start.
So mom's love is the best is my answer.
But NOW let me come to the imperfect world.
In the imperfect world nothing is so black and white as u wanted ur answer to be ....Even in parents' love there may be a subconscious expectation that children will grow up and take care of them? [In India it may be so. I dont know about abroad]...who knows? I dont know.. because I never even think of living long enough after 60!!..haha!
And if u ask me since you said I have to choose one answer only, I did not say it and I chose one answer only!! Otherwise I think each LOVE HAS ITS OWN BEAUTY.
So now if you ask me.. then. I think "WHICH IS THE BEST LOVE?" is not a good question at all.
What is the better question is "who is the greatest lover?" Why? Think!
Because the same person have mutliple roles in life.. man or woman is child & brother/sister, then,lover, then husband/wife, then parents right ??
And whom does the beauty of love depend upon??
- The person who loves!! obviously!!
So it follows that the right question is "who is the best lover?"
And the answer to this is:-
He or she is the best LOVER who gives without taking, who takes nothing but love in return if at all he has to take something,
And who lets go of his or her love anytime he or she wants to go.
The best lover is one who can love without limits,
who can love till eternity,
who can love without being loved,
one who can remain in the background and never come out in the light,
one who will love till the end of the world and long after that.
That is why you find that the greatest love stories are those which have ended with sacrifice.. not with happiness. because the greatest love is sacrifice!
And anyone who can do this is the best lover in this world.. and in all his roles his love would be the best therefore.. as a parent, as a child, as a sibling, as a spouse or as anything else he in the role of in this world.. even a guru shishya, monk and his disciples, doctor and his patient.. whatever..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dreamt while I was sleeping,
I woke up & behold,
My dream before me standing.
Dream, dream, dream
Let me not be in sleep lost
Let me but be in dream lost.
But then someone recently has become my friend who is making me think again on matters by asking questions. I had started this blog in the first place.. to share my thoughts on human relationships... .. And so I post this answer to the question put forward to me by her who seems to be as inquistive into the human mind as I !! :-0)
Which love is the best among the following:-
1. Dad for his daughter
2. Dad for his son
3. Mom for her son
4. Mom for her daughter
5. Brother for his sister.
4. Brother for brother
5. Sister for sister
6. Sister for her brother.
7. Son for his mother
6. Son for his dad
7. Daughter for her mom
8. Daughter for her dad
9. Male lover for his female lover (pls excuse me I am not aware much of the same sex kind and she too did not ask me that one)
10. Female lover for male lover
11. Husband for wife
12. Wife for husband
Well hm. mighty difficult question I must say!!.
And see here I have already talked of these different loves earlier. But nevertheless it is a better question as I can see!!
So my answer:-
Let me organise my thinking as follows..
First a few assumptions:
1. we are talking of people (named groups) actually loving and not like what we see in news. that father kills dgtr and so on)
2. We will not differentiate between mom and dad in parents, or between boy and girl in lovers and between man and wife in marriage for my first answer. If you want to even distinguish further then naturally we need to concentrate only after we have arrived at the group whose love is the best and then further differentiate betweenn that. I will do that next.
Ok now...
& oh yes! 3RD AND last assumption is when we talk of love here it is pure unadulterated love.. no adulteration.. after we have our answer.. we wil add deviations and actually what happens in real life and then test our answer. ok. next
Now,
1. Parents to children is a one way love always --> downwards... ideally they never expect anything back
2. Brothers and sisters love is protective love.. for each other.. -- but there is a sense of give and take..
3. Spouses love are having some degree of relationship and expectations also & may also be mixed with physical needs.
4. lovers love is also having expectations from both sides.. and also sometimes mixed with physical senses and emotions.
5. Children's love for parents has an essence of dependence.
I think parents' love is the best love ;
And,
in that mother's love is the best love in this world..
..............Mother's love is nothing but sacrifice only .. 9 months inside her... pain all the time (amidst the pleasure to have kicks inside the tummy.. it is a lovely feeling u know?... and hmm haa, do not ask me how I know!! LOL!..) ok.. and then this mother usually is forgotten when children grow old.. and left alone, if wife does not like mom-in-law or because wife's mom cannot stay in son-in-law's house.. but still have u ever seen a single instance of moms not loving their children ?
For get the exceptions. as i said in the start.
So mom's love is the best is my answer.
But NOW let me come to the imperfect world.
In the imperfect world nothing is so black and white as u wanted ur answer to be ....Even in parents' love there may be a subconscious expectation that children will grow up and take care of them? [In India it may be so. I dont know about abroad]...who knows? I dont know.. because I never even think of living long enough after 60!!..haha!
And if u ask me since you said I have to choose one answer only, I did not say it and I chose one answer only!! Otherwise I think each LOVE HAS ITS OWN BEAUTY.
So now if you ask me.. then. I think "WHICH IS THE BEST LOVE?" is not a good question at all.
What is the better question is "who is the greatest lover?" Why? Think!
Because the same person have mutliple roles in life.. man or woman is child & brother/sister, then,lover, then husband/wife, then parents right ??
And whom does the beauty of love depend upon??
- The person who loves!! obviously!!
So it follows that the right question is "who is the best lover?"
And the answer to this is:-
He or she is the best LOVER who gives without taking, who takes nothing but love in return if at all he has to take something,
And who lets go of his or her love anytime he or she wants to go.
The best lover is one who can love without limits,
who can love till eternity,
who can love without being loved,
one who can remain in the background and never come out in the light,
one who will love till the end of the world and long after that.
That is why you find that the greatest love stories are those which have ended with sacrifice.. not with happiness. because the greatest love is sacrifice!
And anyone who can do this is the best lover in this world.. and in all his roles his love would be the best therefore.. as a parent, as a child, as a sibling, as a spouse or as anything else he in the role of in this world.. even a guru shishya, monk and his disciples, doctor and his patient.. whatever..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dreamt while I was sleeping,
I woke up & behold,
My dream before me standing.
Dream, dream, dream
Let me not be in sleep lost
Let me but be in dream lost.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
No More Posts ON THIS BLOG.
I have stopped posting here.. From now on all my posts will be at one site only here
http://indiathroughmyphotoblog.blogspot.com/
I think that will save my time and also yours if you are reading my blogs...Moreover I have started thinking..why share my thoughts with the world? My thoughts should be mine only... let me spend more time offline.. there is so much to do before I die... LOL
But still if I do want to share my thoughts I think it better to share it on the PhotoBlog site only... for two reasons:
1. I will not be sharing much so the basic objective of the photo-blog site will not be ruined. [Note all my blogs had different objectives]
2. I can discuss relationships and confused thoughts and the rest better with associated Photos.. I mean I will try to.. because if I can do thatttt, then I can call myself a real PhotoGrapher!! One who can tell stories through the lens!!
I have stopped posting here.. From now on all my posts will be at one site only here
http://indiathroughmyphotoblog.blogspot.com/
I think that will save my time and also yours if you are reading my blogs...Moreover I have started thinking..why share my thoughts with the world? My thoughts should be mine only... let me spend more time offline.. there is so much to do before I die... LOL
But still if I do want to share my thoughts I think it better to share it on the PhotoBlog site only... for two reasons:
1. I will not be sharing much so the basic objective of the photo-blog site will not be ruined. [Note all my blogs had different objectives]
2. I can discuss relationships and confused thoughts and the rest better with associated Photos.. I mean I will try to.. because if I can do thatttt, then I can call myself a real PhotoGrapher!! One who can tell stories through the lens!!
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Whom do you argue with?
There is a Bengali Saying whose English Translation is exactly casting pearls before the swine.
Whom do I argue with? On what subjects do I argue?
I argue with people whom I want to improve, and so I argue with those I love and therefore I want to improve.
I argue on subjects that can be improved (as per me),
By this very reasoning I will also argue with my bosses and my management for improvement of the organisation I work for. The day I do not do that is the day I have made up my mind not to work for it anymore-- give a chance....
So I think a person who argues with his loved ones will also argue with his bosses.. A person cannot be different in different situations if he not a fake.
Problem is therefore---> Who cares for your arguments?
None!!
Whom do I argue with? On what subjects do I argue?
I argue with people whom I want to improve, and so I argue with those I love and therefore I want to improve.
I argue on subjects that can be improved (as per me),
By this very reasoning I will also argue with my bosses and my management for improvement of the organisation I work for. The day I do not do that is the day I have made up my mind not to work for it anymore-- give a chance....
So I think a person who argues with his loved ones will also argue with his bosses.. A person cannot be different in different situations if he not a fake.
Problem is therefore---> Who cares for your arguments?
None!!
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
What is Happiness? [Imaginary Letter to Friend-X]
Dear X,
Enough of light talk and joking as friends. Some serious talk today?
Ahhh.. now I can see you flushing… angry… red… No No.. I am not going to say anything that will make you uneasy dear friend.
I know you now. That is why I do not even address you as ‘Dearest friend” See? Have I? I mean I could have as you are my only friend around – believe it or not- as I feel one-way. Right? Ok then. So just forget this topic and see what I want to say.
After a loooooooo----ooooooong time I have a lot to say suddenly.
Not particularly to YOU. So do not worry. Today I shall talk on happiness. It has nothing to do with you at all. But what I think happiness is. Hey you close my mail now and go back to work. Because this is going to be a long mail. If you really want to read, read it later… when ? I do not know.. maybe never? Hmmmm… I am serious.. maybe never would be fine with me as long as I do not know !! But if you read then promise to read slowly, my Dear X. That is how I would like you to read all my mails. I am being honest. I do not want you to read my mails in a hurry and I really mean that if you do not read I will not mind as I wont know. But if you read I would like you to keep my trust and read slowly. Why slowly? Because that would show some respect to me LOL !! I took so much pain to reproduce this on paper (from the depths of my hyperactive mind) that you should also take same time to read. No I am not telling you the truth here. I want you to read slowly so that you understand what I mean and so that my writing makes you think and makes you come out with your thoughts. So far you have not done this. Probably because some wrong idea ingrained in your womanish head makes you feel that sharing thoughts with a man in writing makes you vulnerable to …. Well all sorts of attacks from the male brigade!! What??
You should have understood by now that my mails should not make you uncomfortable, as they are not meant to be so. I do not write to you because I want to have some relationship with you, I write to you because I need to talk and since I need to talk I cannot talk to the wall. I have to talk to someone. And in you I seem to find that someone, that is all. I do not want you to fall in love with me or I want to fall in love with you or anyone for that matter. You are very intelligent and so should have understood by now. Of course you may tell me you do not need to understand me. Right. You can also ask me ‘Why me?” Right again.
Why you? Because I feel you will listen. I feel you will read. Even if you do not reply. Don’t have to. I may be wrong. I may be totally a wrong impression about you. YOU MAY BE A VERRRRY SELFISH LADY IN THE WORLD ONLY WORRIED about yourself and your family and your shares and your job/ career, and whatever you love in life!! It is highly probable. And moreover why should I even think you are selfish? It is QUITE NATURAL TO BE LIKE THAT. Everybody is like that!! Eeverybody is bothered about themselves only. I am like that too!! Am I not? Here I am writing to you to feel light. I am not bothering myself to know whether you want my mail or not! So, X, I do know this all…… I am selfish too.
Then why am I writing to you if I know all this? Simple. I really do not know. Does this frighten you? Hope not!!! Not knowing something is not frightening. Not knowing how to handle the answers is frightening. So the day when I know the why I should also know how to handle the answer. That is all and I shall cross the bridge when I need to.
Today I have come here to talk of an abstract subject & nothing about you at all so am sure you will not feel uncomfortable. All this is just an introduction—warming up and clearing your doubts lest you ask me why the heck am I mailing you again!!!???. Anyway let me continue now….
So as you ask. It is fine that you, shantanu, feel you have to speak to someone.. you go crazy if you are not able to do that.. . and it is quite obvious that you are not able to talk to your bloody wife!! What the hell.. you are a man and married so why the heck you keep bothering me with your bloody thoughts.why don’t you tell all these to your wife?…. and here you have to disturb my eyes making me read these long mails from a blubbering male who seems to be mad? I must clear this up. I do feel guilty. I do love my wife a lot. Everybody has her good points and bad. I do too. It is not about her at all. She is a good wife, she is a good mother. She quarrels with me like all wives do. I quarrel with her like all husbands do. But then we make up like all couples do. One day one of us will be gone and the other will follow soon.
But all said and done, X, do not you think that in life there are times when you want to talk to someone who seems to be like you? Who seems to have the capacity to understand what you mean or what you say or more importantly who seems to be deep hearted enough to be able to listen and empathise? You seem to be like that. Inside my heart I know that you are probably least serious about what I write and you read them out of curiosity only because you like reading books and so these seem to be a book to you..like an autobiography of a mad man..or a confused man or hmmm.. maybe ‘an autobiography of a man who lost his way around the world.” So you read. But that is the point. I feel you are reading. And that is all that it takes me to pour my deepest thoughts on you. Nothing more nothing less. I never EXPECT YOU TO PITY ME, FALL IN LOVE WITH ME, COMFORT ME, CARE FOR ME, NOT AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just have to have someone to talk to. The day YOU will put a stop to this WITH A BULLET.. I WILL JUST STOP. And Find someone else (if I am lucky… ) or just fade away.. or who knows?? I may start writing books and sell them to the world.
But I have to survive and so I write. Even if you are not reading this mail, I will still feel ahhhh I have written and somebody has heard.
It is a very peculiar problem in me X. I need some psychiatric treatment probably. So I keep introspecting a lot. And so I do know that something is seriously wrong with me. That I need to share thoughts like this!! I need to talk like this!! Sometimes I feel I am not man enough!!. Really X. This is like something I am trying to cure myself of. Writing to you or anyone who seems to read, probably will make me cure myself of this disease. And I write best to anyone with whom I feel is empathetic and with whom I seem to feel so too, a bonding of minds. Does that scare you??? Should not!!!!
This deep desire to wrench my mind out and turn it inside out to someone is a disease.
Yes this is a disease, because it is making me weak, making me feeble, making me unable lead normal lives at these times when this strikes! Like disease this too needs a cure. And I feel the cure is indulging in the very passion that drives me, I feel my mind bursting so I let it burst and so I write.
Writing to someone. Of course if you had replied, it would have been wonderful. But not for the sake of consoling me, but to share your views on whatever I say or said, so that I too can see what others think of the subject I talk on. Helps a lot, seeing the other people’s view and helps me in curing faster.
Today I want to talk on happiness.
Have you ever felt that despite having everything something is missing?
Have you ever felt when you had everything around you and yet something was missing?
Think back to your days when you were walking down the road in distant California and enjoying the world pass by you slowly, the people slowly moving past you busy in their thoughts and themselves. Think back to some other times when you are supposed to feel happy. Did you feel happy?
You most probably did. Then comes the question.
If I am happy, because I am able to walk down the road, or drive my car, or get my salary, or have my son admitted into college or get a gift or give a gift or go out with lunch with my best friend (oops!!), or have two bags of sweets and so on; if I am happy because of so many innumerable things that God has given me or showers me with,
THEN,
Why the heck do I feel something is missing?
What is it?
Why is it that I feel empty inside some days?
What gives person happiness?
Do not tell me it is GOD!!
Tell me if it is God then where is God?
I mean, if you plan to tell me that.
Otherwise if we contain ourselves to the non-spiritual then let me continue.
Is happiness something that comes from inside? Yes? How?
I wish I knew.
Why is it that I feel happy (now this is just for the sake of an example you may understand..) when I talk to you? Is it because we are happy when we get some things that are not ours? I mean your time is not mine. Right? So when I disturb you by talking to you I am using your times. So I am happy. Is that so? I mean you are not mine. Yet I am able to talk to you and that makes me happy. Is that so?
Is it why we are unable to find happiness? Because we continuously try to seek some thing which is not within our reach, does not belong to us, will never belong to us PROBABLY?
Is it that we will find happiness if we look at things that we have?
But then if that is so, then what do we have really?
Think deeply
You for eg. Have parents, family.
I for eg have parent, family too. I have something more, I have a wife and a kid.
But does that make me happier than you?
Do you think so?
If yes then why? Then are you unhappy? Why? Or Why not?
If no then why? Am I then unhappy? Why? Or Why not?
Is it really possible to be happy till we die and meet God?
What the hell am I DOING talking here about happiness if I KNEW all the answers? I seem to be giving all the answers. But then why am I here?
I think the emptiness inside is all the cause of the trouble in people’s lives. And I think those who have this like me are all stupid people thinking too much about everything.
Do'nt you too think too much of things? I think you do! You have never told me about anything else than mundane matters. But I too think that you think a lot of things that matter to you in personal life. Otherwise you simply cannot come to office in the morning looking unfresh. Yess. X. I think you do.
And yet I also think you have found peace of mind ..somehow at this too young an age (for being spiritual)
So probably you are the best person to tell me what is happiness about and why we feel something is missing inside.. deep inside… in spite of having everything (nearly).
DO TELL ME WHY??
You read the bible every night. So you may be able to tell me something from there
Somebody else reads the Koran and somebody else the Bhagvad Gita. Theymay be able to tell me something from there.
But if do I need those answers? Or do I need some other answers?
If I need those answers from those books, then the question still remains, why the hell am I asking these questions? Why am I NOT going to those books? Because I am not ready?
Enough of light talk and joking as friends. Some serious talk today?
Ahhh.. now I can see you flushing… angry… red… No No.. I am not going to say anything that will make you uneasy dear friend.
I know you now. That is why I do not even address you as ‘Dearest friend” See? Have I? I mean I could have as you are my only friend around – believe it or not- as I feel one-way. Right? Ok then. So just forget this topic and see what I want to say.
After a loooooooo----ooooooong time I have a lot to say suddenly.
Not particularly to YOU. So do not worry. Today I shall talk on happiness. It has nothing to do with you at all. But what I think happiness is. Hey you close my mail now and go back to work. Because this is going to be a long mail. If you really want to read, read it later… when ? I do not know.. maybe never? Hmmmm… I am serious.. maybe never would be fine with me as long as I do not know !! But if you read then promise to read slowly, my Dear X. That is how I would like you to read all my mails. I am being honest. I do not want you to read my mails in a hurry and I really mean that if you do not read I will not mind as I wont know. But if you read I would like you to keep my trust and read slowly. Why slowly? Because that would show some respect to me LOL !! I took so much pain to reproduce this on paper (from the depths of my hyperactive mind) that you should also take same time to read. No I am not telling you the truth here. I want you to read slowly so that you understand what I mean and so that my writing makes you think and makes you come out with your thoughts. So far you have not done this. Probably because some wrong idea ingrained in your womanish head makes you feel that sharing thoughts with a man in writing makes you vulnerable to …. Well all sorts of attacks from the male brigade!! What??
You should have understood by now that my mails should not make you uncomfortable, as they are not meant to be so. I do not write to you because I want to have some relationship with you, I write to you because I need to talk and since I need to talk I cannot talk to the wall. I have to talk to someone. And in you I seem to find that someone, that is all. I do not want you to fall in love with me or I want to fall in love with you or anyone for that matter. You are very intelligent and so should have understood by now. Of course you may tell me you do not need to understand me. Right. You can also ask me ‘Why me?” Right again.
Why you? Because I feel you will listen. I feel you will read. Even if you do not reply. Don’t have to. I may be wrong. I may be totally a wrong impression about you. YOU MAY BE A VERRRRY SELFISH LADY IN THE WORLD ONLY WORRIED about yourself and your family and your shares and your job/ career, and whatever you love in life!! It is highly probable. And moreover why should I even think you are selfish? It is QUITE NATURAL TO BE LIKE THAT. Everybody is like that!! Eeverybody is bothered about themselves only. I am like that too!! Am I not? Here I am writing to you to feel light. I am not bothering myself to know whether you want my mail or not! So, X, I do know this all…… I am selfish too.
Then why am I writing to you if I know all this? Simple. I really do not know. Does this frighten you? Hope not!!! Not knowing something is not frightening. Not knowing how to handle the answers is frightening. So the day when I know the why I should also know how to handle the answer. That is all and I shall cross the bridge when I need to.
Today I have come here to talk of an abstract subject & nothing about you at all so am sure you will not feel uncomfortable. All this is just an introduction—warming up and clearing your doubts lest you ask me why the heck am I mailing you again!!!???. Anyway let me continue now….
So as you ask. It is fine that you, shantanu, feel you have to speak to someone.. you go crazy if you are not able to do that.. . and it is quite obvious that you are not able to talk to your bloody wife!! What the hell.. you are a man and married so why the heck you keep bothering me with your bloody thoughts.why don’t you tell all these to your wife?…. and here you have to disturb my eyes making me read these long mails from a blubbering male who seems to be mad? I must clear this up. I do feel guilty. I do love my wife a lot. Everybody has her good points and bad. I do too. It is not about her at all. She is a good wife, she is a good mother. She quarrels with me like all wives do. I quarrel with her like all husbands do. But then we make up like all couples do. One day one of us will be gone and the other will follow soon.
But all said and done, X, do not you think that in life there are times when you want to talk to someone who seems to be like you? Who seems to have the capacity to understand what you mean or what you say or more importantly who seems to be deep hearted enough to be able to listen and empathise? You seem to be like that. Inside my heart I know that you are probably least serious about what I write and you read them out of curiosity only because you like reading books and so these seem to be a book to you..like an autobiography of a mad man..or a confused man or hmmm.. maybe ‘an autobiography of a man who lost his way around the world.” So you read. But that is the point. I feel you are reading. And that is all that it takes me to pour my deepest thoughts on you. Nothing more nothing less. I never EXPECT YOU TO PITY ME, FALL IN LOVE WITH ME, COMFORT ME, CARE FOR ME, NOT AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just have to have someone to talk to. The day YOU will put a stop to this WITH A BULLET.. I WILL JUST STOP. And Find someone else (if I am lucky… ) or just fade away.. or who knows?? I may start writing books and sell them to the world.
But I have to survive and so I write. Even if you are not reading this mail, I will still feel ahhhh I have written and somebody has heard.
It is a very peculiar problem in me X. I need some psychiatric treatment probably. So I keep introspecting a lot. And so I do know that something is seriously wrong with me. That I need to share thoughts like this!! I need to talk like this!! Sometimes I feel I am not man enough!!. Really X. This is like something I am trying to cure myself of. Writing to you or anyone who seems to read, probably will make me cure myself of this disease. And I write best to anyone with whom I feel is empathetic and with whom I seem to feel so too, a bonding of minds. Does that scare you??? Should not!!!!
This deep desire to wrench my mind out and turn it inside out to someone is a disease.
Yes this is a disease, because it is making me weak, making me feeble, making me unable lead normal lives at these times when this strikes! Like disease this too needs a cure. And I feel the cure is indulging in the very passion that drives me, I feel my mind bursting so I let it burst and so I write.
Writing to someone. Of course if you had replied, it would have been wonderful. But not for the sake of consoling me, but to share your views on whatever I say or said, so that I too can see what others think of the subject I talk on. Helps a lot, seeing the other people’s view and helps me in curing faster.
Today I want to talk on happiness.
Have you ever felt that despite having everything something is missing?
Have you ever felt when you had everything around you and yet something was missing?
Think back to your days when you were walking down the road in distant California and enjoying the world pass by you slowly, the people slowly moving past you busy in their thoughts and themselves. Think back to some other times when you are supposed to feel happy. Did you feel happy?
You most probably did. Then comes the question.
If I am happy, because I am able to walk down the road, or drive my car, or get my salary, or have my son admitted into college or get a gift or give a gift or go out with lunch with my best friend (oops!!), or have two bags of sweets and so on; if I am happy because of so many innumerable things that God has given me or showers me with,
THEN,
Why the heck do I feel something is missing?
What is it?
Why is it that I feel empty inside some days?
What gives person happiness?
Do not tell me it is GOD!!
Tell me if it is God then where is God?
I mean, if you plan to tell me that.
Otherwise if we contain ourselves to the non-spiritual then let me continue.
Is happiness something that comes from inside? Yes? How?
I wish I knew.
Why is it that I feel happy (now this is just for the sake of an example you may understand..) when I talk to you? Is it because we are happy when we get some things that are not ours? I mean your time is not mine. Right? So when I disturb you by talking to you I am using your times. So I am happy. Is that so? I mean you are not mine. Yet I am able to talk to you and that makes me happy. Is that so?
Is it why we are unable to find happiness? Because we continuously try to seek some thing which is not within our reach, does not belong to us, will never belong to us PROBABLY?
Is it that we will find happiness if we look at things that we have?
But then if that is so, then what do we have really?
Think deeply
You for eg. Have parents, family.
I for eg have parent, family too. I have something more, I have a wife and a kid.
But does that make me happier than you?
Do you think so?
If yes then why? Then are you unhappy? Why? Or Why not?
If no then why? Am I then unhappy? Why? Or Why not?
Is it really possible to be happy till we die and meet God?
What the hell am I DOING talking here about happiness if I KNEW all the answers? I seem to be giving all the answers. But then why am I here?
I think the emptiness inside is all the cause of the trouble in people’s lives. And I think those who have this like me are all stupid people thinking too much about everything.
Do'nt you too think too much of things? I think you do! You have never told me about anything else than mundane matters. But I too think that you think a lot of things that matter to you in personal life. Otherwise you simply cannot come to office in the morning looking unfresh. Yess. X. I think you do.
And yet I also think you have found peace of mind ..somehow at this too young an age (for being spiritual)
So probably you are the best person to tell me what is happiness about and why we feel something is missing inside.. deep inside… in spite of having everything (nearly).
DO TELL ME WHY??
You read the bible every night. So you may be able to tell me something from there
Somebody else reads the Koran and somebody else the Bhagvad Gita. Theymay be able to tell me something from there.
But if do I need those answers? Or do I need some other answers?
If I need those answers from those books, then the question still remains, why the hell am I asking these questions? Why am I NOT going to those books? Because I am not ready?
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